


Heart to Heart

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6720796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who better to answer complicated, heart-wrenching questions than an old, trusted friend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart to Heart

“Now, now. No need to pout,” a vaguely amused Garrus said.

Kaidan huffed with arms crossed over his chest as he watched Shepard dart away into danger again. He raised a curious eyebrow at the words of the turian. “You’re fully suited up, too, you know.”

“I’ve learned to be prepared. Literally anything can happen when Shepard’s involved. You know that. Best to be ready at a moment’s notice.” Garrus settled in on a bench as the doors closed and yet another mission began on a foreign world.

“I’d just feel a little better if you or I were with her.” Kaidan stared at the closed doors for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. “I joined the Normandy again for a reason, and it wasn’t to watch as she goes barreling into danger alone every time we touch ground.”

“Well, you do outrank her, and now you’re a Spectre. You could go against her wishes and technically she wouldn’t be able to do a damned thing about it.” Garrus chuckled at the thought. “Besides, she’s not alone. She’s got James and EDI. They’ll be fine.”

“And you’re here calibrating your gun,” Kaidan observed with genuine amusement.

“Yes. Like I said, it’s best to be prepared.”

The Spectre took up a seat next to the turian and settled in to wait as garbled calls and static filled their ears from their comm units. There seemed to be no end to the enemies that wanted to kill them all on sight, and somehow they’d all managed to survive. Well, more or less, anyway.

Kaidan broke a long silence with an unexpected change of topic. “Garrus, I hadn’t had the chance, but I wanted to thank you.”

“Hmm,” the turian answered, turning his attention away from the weapon in his hands to the human at his side. “For what?”

“For staying with her when… when I couldn’t.” Kaidan’s gaze dropped to his hands as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Or when I wouldn’t, I guess.”

“Ahh.” Garrus seemed to have been expecting this conversation to happen at some point. His mandibles twitched as he searched for the right response. “Well to be honest, I didn’t have a lot of choice. She showed up just in the nick of time, saved my ass, and then the next thing I knew, I was on the Normandy again. Weird. I guess you could call it the most convenient kidnapping in history.”

Kaidan chuckled quietly and shook his head. “You could have left, though. You stayed. You kept her safe. You went into a suicide mission at her side. You never questioned her or what happened.”

“I questioned a lot of things,” the turian said as he slowly turned his attention back to his gun. He had no need to think about the motions. They were so practiced that he could have made the adjustments in his sleep. In fact, sometimes, he did. “I didn’t trust Cerberus or the Illusive Man, but I stayed for Shepard. I figured the worst that would happen was that I’d die if I was wrong, but I was going to die anyway if she hadn’t shown up on Omega when she did. I owed her that much. Besides, had I been in her shoes, I figured it would be easier to make the hard choices and live with the consequences when there was a familiar face around… banged up as it might have been after Omega.” His right mandible flexed a bit to emphasize the obvious scarring that had occurred in the aftermath of a wild firefight.

“When I saw you two on Horizon,” Kaidan paused and raked his hands through his hair at the memory. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I was so… angry. I was shocked and hurt.”

“That was pretty obvious.”

“I tried to apologize later, but… that didn’t really help. She was completely different. Wearing a Cerberus logo and in a ship bearing Cerberus colors. The Shepard I knew would never have joined up with them or defected from the Alliance. None of it made sense.”

“As I recall,” Garrus began, keeping his gaze locked on his rifle and meticulous work. “You didn’t give her much of a chance to explain.”

“I know. But what was there to explain? She had changed. She didn’t go through what you and I went through after Alchera.”

“We’ve all changed, Kaidan. You, me, her, the entire crew. Expecting otherwise would have been idealistic at best. Remember, you and I don’t know exactly what she went through in those years, either. I can only assume that being rebuilt in a lab had to be terrible. To wake up not knowing where you are and being unable to find anything or anyone familiar? Torturous.”

Kaidan said nothing. His head dipped in thought as he digested the words.

Garrus chuckled as a memory washed over him. “You know, she almost kicked the door off of its hinges in order to get out and onto Horizon when she realized that you were there. I almost laughed at her for it, but contrary to popular belief, I do value my life.”

“I suppose she was really angry after she found me, then,” Kaidan responded, regret heavy in his tone.

The turian scratched his chin for a moment as he considered what to say. After a long pause, he began recalling the situation quietly, as though he was concerned someone might overhear. “I know she was upset, but she soldiered on like she always does. The crew thought she took it pretty well, actually, but after we returned to the Normandy, I heard her crying over her comms. I think I may have been the only one to hear it since no one else ever mentioned it. She’d bumped the switch or forgotten to turn it off, I guess. At that point, I was really angry at you.”

“I know, I was being stupid,” the Major said.

“She’s got a thankless job, you know,” Garrus continued, unfazed by his companion’s confession. “But she does it anyway. I knew I’d made the right call to go along when she took us in for that suicide mission, as strange as that sounds.” Garrus finished his calibrations and set the rifle aside.

“What do you mean?” Kaidan inquired.

“The one thing about her that has never changed is that she’s able and willing to make choices that would be unthinkable for most people. The ones that are for the greater good, the kind that carry terrible consequences, the types that mean sacrificing pieces of oneself for the benefit of others. For a little while, I wasn’t sure if she was going to make the run on the collector ship. It had to be done to for the good of humanity, but she hesitated. First she had to overcome what she wanted for herself, and damn I have to respect her for that.”

Kaidan turned and looked at him for a moment, confusion washing slowly over his features.

“It was you, okay? She never mentioned a word about it, of course, but I caught her staring at that picture of you on her desk and reading over that apology message enough times to understand. I think it bothered her to die knowing that you hadn’t forgiven her and that you thought she was some kind of monster.”

Kaidan sighed heavily and scrubbed his hands over his face.

“Listen, I don’t know exactly what she was thinking. It’s only a guess. Regardless, she pushed through and did what she had to do, like she’s always done, regardless of the personal consequences. Anyway, we all lived through it. You trust her again. That weight is gone. She can move on to the next galaxy-destroying enemy and kick its ass.” Garrus crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, somehow pleased with himself for summing it all up so succinctly.

A long silence passed between the two as one considered what he’d just heard and the other dutifully waited, for orders into action from the commander or some question from the human at his side. Somehow, it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. They’d known one another long enough to understand that idle chatter wasn’t always necessary.

“What would you do in my situation?” Kaidan suddenly but quietly asked, turning his amber gaze upon his blunt but trusted friend.

“Heh,” Garrus began, amused at the baffling juxtaposition of complexity and simplicity in the question. “I’d make the most of the time I had. What’s that strange saying humans use? There are bigger fish to fry. Giant fish. With lots of arms, bent on destruction of all of our planets. This isn’t a time to drown in past mistakes. I’d tie up loose ends and make the most of the time I have left with the people I love. You never know when our time is going to be up.”

A heavy sigh escaped Kaidan’s lips as he straightened and allowed himself to settle back against the wall, in a fashion very similar to his turian counterpart. “Thanks, Garrus.”

The turian planted a firm but friendly hand on the Spectre’s shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. “You already said that, Major.”


End file.
